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The Problem with Young Mothers Today

August 20, 2012

You have way too much time on your hands!

Not like back in my day when we didn’t have the ease of all the mod cons you lot have today.  You don’t know what hard work is.  We cleaned from one end of the day to the next.  And still we found time to put food on the table each night.  Though God only knows where we got the money to do that day in day out.

And that’s another thing with you young mothers – you give your children SO MUCH choice, like they know what is good for them and what they might like for dinner. Every night!  We had routines.  Fixed and fast.  Monday night’s dinner was the same dinner every Monday night, same for the other six nights of the week.  Breakfast was prepared and we sat around and ate it like a proper meal.  Again, no choice.  And juice, it came from oranges, not from boxes and plastic containers.

As for breastfeeding.  Constantly!  What’s wrong with a bottle?  Every four hours.  That will sort out the squawking.  They need to know who is in charge!  Speaking of babies, why drag the poor fathers into the labour wards during birth?   It’s traumatic for them and they don’t need to see all that . . .

And don’t get me started on how you treat your poor husbands!  They go off to work all day and yet the minute they put their feet back across the front door of the home they are busting their guts to pay for you young mothers throw the children at them.  You’ve had enough of them, all day, and now it’s his turn to bathe the blighters, read to them, spend quality time blah blah.  These are the blighters your hormones were screaming out for back in the day when blow jobs were raining down on the grateful sod like pennies from heaven and he saw this as the key to living happily ever after. Huh! Who’s the sucker now?

As for the children, oh my God, they are so stimulated these days.  You can’t leave them alone for a minute.  They always have to be doing stuff because you want them to be happy!  And as long as they do whatever it is they want to do that will be fine with you – after you have put in the hard graft of making sure they are reasonably popular, maintain clear skin, get their teeth straightened, jaws corrected etc etc, make nice friends, get into decent schools with decent grades to get into the best (for them) colleges so they can make good contacts friends, marry well, preferably someone of the opposite sex but hey, you’re liberal enough to understand that these things might happen as long as they happen to other people . . . .

Naturally there is so much more to say on this topic but I am busy.  So much to do before the dear man comes home and I need to get everything in order.  By the way, when was the last time you put on a coat of lipstick for that time of the day when he walks through that door after his hard day?

You young mothers today, you don’t know how lucky you are!

* * *

Such was the constant advice and support from my own mother, decades ago now.  OK, I threw in the part about BJ’s, my mother would never have discussed such a delicacy.  It was a great source of pride to her that my father never saw her naked!  They did it six times as far I knew.

Got to run, fix my hair . . .

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